It’s a Snotty Day!
That sounds gross, doesn’t it?
Have you ever felt that aching explosion of grief? Tears are falling, you’re sobbing, snots dripping, and all you want is to be held? Let it out. We all need to grieve.
But it’s not pretty, you say? No it’s not. Tragedy isn’t. Crisis isn’t. And grieving isn’t.
After my Mom’s suicide I didn’t let anyone see me grieve. I cried a lot, but no one saw me wail. That deep Greek tragic level of pain. I realized quickly, that it wasn’t to be shared.
At the funeral I felt people pulling away. Mental illness wasn’t talked about when I was a kid. The few who were invited to her quiet funeral, whispered that they knew “something was very wrong with Ginny”. They felt sorry. But that was it.
A new friend’s Mom did something completely different. She started having me come over for dinner every Wednesday night. She cooked delicious Italian pastas and we sat together as a family. My Dad, my sister, and I were all fending for ourselves. I was tired of eating alone. It felt amazing to have a meal together with a family each Wednesday.
After every Wednesday dinner, Mrs. Binney would drive me home alone. She wouldn’t let Laura, my friend, come with us. She always asked me how I was. Each week I responded that I was okay. Until the fourth Wednesday. There was nothing different about that night, but when Mrs. Binney asked, I suddenly fell a part. I grabbed her and wailed, moaned, and my snot fell all over her crisp, clean linen blouse. This perfectly coiffed woman, didn’t budge. She held me tight as I came undone, slobbering on her lace and pearls. She held me just as I needed to be held. It might have been 5 minutes or 50. She held me the entire time.
It’s important to grieve. For whatever losses you have. And you are to do so in the way that YOU need to. No one can tell you your way. They can suggest, offer, guide, but you are to free and find yourself in the way that you need.
We aren’t taught this. We aren’t taught that death is natural. So we stuff away our hurt. We shore up our ache. We get caught holding on to our pain and don’t get to that place of freedom or relief. And we can hurt deeply until we do.
I had been on a ton of podcasts on grief.So many that I decided to do a workshop on grief as so many of us hide from it, ignore it, or struggle through it all alone. You don’t need to. I would be honored to help you free yourself of your hurt and maybe some snot.
Please send me an email response if you have any questions on the workshop.
Here’s the link:
https://www.drheatherbrowne.com/monthly-workshop
Please share this blog with anyone who you know who’s grieving or who hasn’t gotten to a healthy place of living life again, after loss.
I send blessings, love, and lots of tissues!
Dr. Heather
