This might sound crazy or blessed, but she does. I lost my Mom at 16. My greatest desire was to be a great Mom. There was so much growth, healing, and love in that process while my kids were at home. I think, together, we did a great job. And when they moved out, when I was alone once again, I re-realized my reality of wanting to be mothered. I didn't ever have an aunt, or even a cousin, and my Grandmother's died before I was 18, so I haven't grown up with women really around. I have adopted a few, two Godmother's, who played that role magnificently, but they passed away 2-3 decades ago as well.
I was distracted of my desire of being mothered in the years of BEING the Mom. But once they moved out and Covid hit, life went into isolation, and I felt a deep ache. And that was when Mother Mary started to come. I would awaken to her essence embracing me. I have felt God as long as I can remember, (I think this is what got me through my childhood). My family was not religious. Religion and schizophrenia is a troubling embrace at times. I first deeply felt Jesus in my 30's, but Mother Mary's essence is different. It is softer, gentle, tender, it is like a soft fluffy hug. Which I have wanted and relished.
At first she would be there, occasionally, as I awoke. She would hold me as I slipped out of my dreams and into the morning. Sometimes she came with a phrase or a message, but mostly she came offering love. Her energy is different than Jesus, or at least I experience her differently.
I have shared her essence with clients. She is incredibly healing and supportive to those where men have not been safe. For women whose father's have been abusive and violent, a male image of God doesn't always feel safe, trustworthy, or of love. It is easy to say He is not male, but our environment has cultivated a male image which can make it a challenge for those violated by men. So when Mary came to me and I found gentle healing, I started to bring her as well. The female energy of God. And the most holy, being Jesus' Mom and cradle. The womb of God Himself.
I think I bring a lot of her energy with me to those i care for, or better said, care with. I have an idea for a program on Embracing Mary, the Mother Womb and Wound. It currently is dancing in my head.
I have several beautiful statues and drawings of her in my house. And I wear her daily. I have a beautiful necklace given by a dear friend and a small token I carry with me...sometimes in my hand, or pocket, or tucked away. I sleep with her often, in my hand. But yesterday night I realized that she had gone missing. Or I should say, she choose to bless elsewhere. She was in my pocket as I began yardwork. And last night as I got ready for bed, I found she wasn't there. I searched the house. Nothing. I went on line to see if I could find another. But the one I have was a gift and not for sale. I took a deep breath and knew she would return. I asked her to find me.
And this morning when I woke up, I knew she would be somewhere in the grass, below the plum tree I had pruned, by the roses I picked for her, or by the flowerbeds where I pulled weeds.
She wasn't with the plums, nor the roses, but she was lying in the grass, Mother Earth embracing my sweet little Mary. My daughter calls me Golden Hay. And as I saw her there, nestled in the grass, I had that holy image. She is here, wanting to nestle you, to love on you, and help you find her if you look for where she is, deep in your heart, waiting for you to ask her, Mother Mary Come to Me. She will. And I pray this blesses. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
